Words Matter

Greatness Is Within

There is a Nigerian Igbo saying:

“ Ka umu-anyi Kalia anyi” – “Let our children be greater than us.”

I believe that everyone has greatness within them, but they must do the work to birth that unique thing that lies dormant. Growing up, I saw people working, but I didn't know that faith and works work together. They can't be exclusive. As a Christian, I didn't realize that you had to work on your strengths simultaneously to achieve your goals. I was naïve. I believed that God was just going to bless whatever I did.

"I didn’t understand that the work, the practice, must also coincide with the dream and plans."

The Power of Storytelling 

Storytelling is my most prominent tool for learning. I love that it allows me to experience and learn from other people's stories.

Storytelling helps me to open up. When I was younger I felt alone in my thoughts. I thought that I was the only person pondering whatever it was I had in my mind or going through what I was going through. Of course, 99% of the time, I wasn't going through anything different, but we all have stories that we tell ourselves. In listening to other people’s stories, I not only learned about others, but I learned to share my own story.

My Journey

I was born in New York City. I lived in New York City from birth until 1992 when we moved back to Nigeria. In Nigeria, I completed grades seven to twelve. Moving to Nigeria was a fantastic experience. We had an opportunity to see family members through a different lens—one of abundance. 

Somehow living in New York City felt limiting. All I ever saw were people hustling to attain the American Dream. In Nigeria, I saw family members who had big houses and lots of help. It was a huge transition to see family members truly enjoying abundance.

Attending school in Nigeria was also a different experience. Attending Catholic school in New York, we had rules, but the rules were not as intense as the rules in Nigeria. The secondary school in Nigeria expected our hair to be braided. We could not wear hair extensions. Some schools wanted girls to wear their hair in very low cut styles.  

Most of the schools were like boarding schools. I remember telling my parents that I’m attending a day school–meaning I am coming home every day after school, and I was not cutting my hair. My hair was important to me.

Nigeria is very different. I feel that it taught me how to be "cultured." I learned how to greet family members formally, how to take care of others, how to share, and how to be respectful of my elders. It’s not that these values are specific to Nigeria, but living in New York, it was not something that I recall seeing frequently.

Words Matter

In having adult conversations with my siblings, I am acutely aware of how words can affect our children. I remember having a conversation with my sister where she divulged that every time people told her that she looked like our father, she thought people were saying that she looked like a man.

My sister's experience made me hyper aware of how things are said around my daughter.  Even though my daughter has never mentioned it, when people say to my daughter, "You look like your dad," I try to explain to her that what they mean is not that she looks like a boy, but that her features look like her father's features.

My Ambitious Mother

My mother is the original Ambitious Mother.

My mother, Bibiana, is a seamstress, and I grew up watching her make wedding dresses, bridesmaid dresses, and clothing for others—all while taking care of us. Mom graduated from the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York. I always remember my mom showing determination and will. Yet, at the same time, my mother has a laid-back and nurturing spirit. 

My mother nurtured love, forgiveness, and communication between my siblings and me. She is why my siblings and I have remained close.

While my mother fostered the development of soft skills, such as punctuality and kindness, my father’s focus was on academia. When I graduated from high school, my father asked what degree I would get. Then when I got my first degree, he wanted to know what master’s program I would be pursuing. Education has always been part of the norm for us and not an exception to the rule. Out of their six children, four of us have master’s degrees, and all of us have a sense of determination and will.

Outside of my birth family, my husband is my biggest supporter. We met in 2001. He is extremely loving, and we are incredibly close. His character is nurturing and adoring. He helps mentor me and encourage me. With every situation that I have gone through or will go through, I know that he will always be there for me with his love, support, and ability to communicate.

The Work of My Hands

In 2018, I was tired of hearing my son say, “I can’t.” His mindset at the time propelled me to write my first book, Make That Move: Practice. The purpose of the book is to help children recognize that they can do anything they put their minds to if they merely do the work. 

Ultimately, I want to develop a curriculum to help children identify their strengths and then hone and develop those intentional habits that help children feel confident in who they are while taking the leap of faith to pursue their own goals.

Like my mother, I do not believe that the world is an island. It takes a village to build community, and when the work of our hands connects with our purpose, anything is possible. I believe that you can only birth that which you are.

That said, I also want to help all people bloom. I am currently working on an adult adaptation of Make the Move: Practice. I want to debunk the myths that keep people stuck in that fearful “I can’t” mentality. Again, I believe that with a strong belief in oneself, identifying your soul print (that thing that makes you uniquely you), you can face and overcome painful obstacles and failures. 

Just be you, show up and do the work.

In my opinion, there is a false sense of identity within our society. Social media has become a dominant influence. We are more concerned with the number of followers than real life relationships. We use filters to hide who we are. 

Each human being is an onion unfolding pieces of themselves until they die. When you believe in who you are, practice and put effort into what makes your soul sing, you succeed.

Success take time 

The biggest problem with people succeeding is when they put time frames toward accomplishments. Athletes do not become athletes overnight. Babies are not born soon after conception. These events take time. We need to stop putting a time limit on everything we do in our lives. I’ve stopped putting timelines on things, and I now deal in seasons. I now say let the next season be greater than the last.

The dictionary definition of success is accomplishing what you set out to do.

Success for me means living your best life and enjoying the abundance that this world has to offer. Steve Harvey once said that he would open every gift God has for him on this earth. I found that incredibly profound. 

Motherhood Lessons 

What lessons do I have about motherhood? 

I would tell mothers to listen to wise counsel. Listen to those mothers who have gone before you, for they have been through the cycle of parenting and motherhood. There is wisdom in what they are saying. Give them an ear so that you can seize every moment with your children.

Also, time goes by very fast. Work is not as important as you think. Sure, it pays the bills, but that time with your children is priceless.